Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I never knew I had it in me

I have found that every day I live out here in the country (I'm on day 20, in case you were wondering) I become a little more desensitized to bugs. Now, I have always had an issue with life of the insect variety. Any creature with more than four legs is not welcome anywhere near my personal space, and the size of that personal perimeter is directly correlated with the number of legs said creature possesses. So for me, even though I say I am becoming "desensitized", in terms of Kate's fear of bugs, I'm still a pretty big wuss. I have a long ways to go before I can just crush a large insect without batting an eye.

Yet, today I learned that I am much, much braver than I thought. Get ready.

I pulled into my garage at about 6:20pm, turned off the ignition, and got out of the car. I turned to walk around the back of the vehicle, only to stop dead in my tracks at the sight of a giant wolf spider parked just off the back corner of my car. I stood there for a moment, assessing the situation. Seth was not home. This spider was huge. I had to do something.

Apparently "something" took the form of taking a picture of the terrible beast with my phone.

After taking a photo, I stood over it, staring, and wondering if I had the chutzpa to actually smash the thing. With a body that large I was sure it was going to make a big splattery mess and I just didn't know if I could take it. But alas, I knew the closest weapon was one of my husband's crocs sitting by the interior garage door (thank you, Baby, for having such big feet!). As I turned to start walking towards the crocs, the nasty spider started running BACK INTO THE GARAGE at full speed!!! So at the same moment I broke into a sprint to grab the shoe and then get back to the spider, but by the time I did, it was gone! GONE!!!

Well I wasn't about to walk away knowing that the terrible beast was lurking somewhere in my garage, just waiting for a chance to get into my house and (as all spider-fearing people know such beasts will do) up the stairs and into my bed to eat me alive as I sleep. I decided it was worth the risk to venture as quickly as possible into the house to grab my economy sized can of RAID. I returned to the garage - big yellow can in hand - and began my search for the monster. Thankfully, I didn't have to look far as the beast was hiding at the end of a pile of old trim pieces along the garage wall.

I stood back, aimed my can, and began to spray, but I didn't have the chance to enjoy my victory because no sooner had the first drop of poison touched the spider's back than anywhere from 30 to 50 baby spiders jumped of their mama's back and began to scatter in all directions! I held my breath (to keep from screaming) and just sprayed with all my might. All of the babies were quickly dead, but Mama was still hiding under a piece of trim. I scooted it out of the way with my foot and she started to run. I continued to spray her but she just kept running! That is not supposed to happen. She got at least three more feet down the wall before she finally succumbed to the power of the poison.

I was overcome with a strange combination of pride and terror. Proud that I had conquered the Great Spider Beast and her Brood of Spider Babies, but terrified that creatures of that size are living around my house. (I must confess that I first typed "in and around my house" but had to delete the "in" because it unnerved me out too much to see it in writing. I must hold fast to the belief that there aren't any that big actually inside my house. No way.) I called Seth to tell him of my victory and he congratulated me on my accomplishment... although something in his voice told me that he had somehow taken this experience as evidence that I will henceforth no longer need his spider killing services. Au contraire, my love. Bravery like this only comes around when you are alone without any other option. Just ask my friend Hayley (who can be found over at Simply Nesting) who killed a spider and its babies while in her bathroom, alone, naked, and pregnant! She is my hero.

To show you just how big the terrible beast really was, I took a photo of a penny on the cement right next to where I first saw the thing and then superimposed it onto the original cell phone photo.

It's huge! ...right???

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